Armageddon at Hogwarts
by harrypotterfan2011
Summary: You ever wonder what the Marauders did their 7th year? Well, my friends and I thought that by the time they were 17 they'd have used all wizard pranks. So the resort to Muggle pranks. And it turns out to be mass chaos for Hogwarts. Please review.
1. The idea

O

_**Armageddon at Hogwarts**_

O.K. this is something that my friends and I made up because we love to roleplay as the Marauders. So this is bound to be a really funny story, but updates may take awhile because we can't be working on this constantly. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any other characters. Those characters are all part of the genius creation of J.K. Rowling.

**Chapter 1**

(Location: James' house during summer break)

James**Sirius** _Remus_

O.K. summer is supposed to be fun.

**I miss Snivelly.**

Yeah me too. We always did have a lot of fun with him.

**Prongs, that sounds so dirty.**

You should talk.

**If you're referring to the Inga Samuels incident… she came onto me.**

Too much info.

**What?**

Dumb ass.

**I'm offended.**

You should be. She didn't even like you. She was just using you to get to me. Ha ha.

**I hate you.**

I know. I'm better.

**You wish. **

Whatever.

**Prongs, you know what I've been thinking? This is our last year at Hogwarts.**

You're right. We should put our name on the place.

**Exactly. We owe it to the school… and the teachers.**

Yes of course.

**But how?**

We need more tricks.

**Come on. We've used every trick known to wizard kind.**

Let's invite Moony and Wormtail over.

Moony,

Come to my house… or be killed! Just kidding, but come to my house anyways.

Prongs

(P.S. Make sure your "random" homework that you give yourself is done before you get here. I don't want to look at it.)

_My dear Prongs,_

_The teachers give us homework. I wouldn't give myself homework. I'll be over in 2 days. In case you've forgotten, the you-know-what is tonight. See you in 2 days._

_Moony_

Moony,

I totally forgot. Have fun. Don't forget to bring your trunk and everything you'll need for school.

Prongs

2 days later

O.K. Moony we need help.

_I've been saying that for years._

**He means we have a problem. We can't think of pranks to pull. It sucks. I'm rather afraid.**

_I'm afraid for you. I honestly never thought I'd see this day. But what makes you think I can come up with anything?_

Oh right. O.K. Pads what should we do?

**Haven't we already done this? We couldn't think of anything. WE NEED HELP MOONY!!**

_So you want me to give you prank ideas? That's new… If you really have exhausted every wizard prank in existence, which I don't doubt you have, you could always turn to muggle pranks. They may be primitive by your standards but it's something no one would see coming. Oh crap… I can't believe I just suggested that._

No that's perfect. But how do we get them?

**Isn't there a street of Muggle shops near the Leaky Cauldron?**

_Yeah there is. Just don't go there in your robes._

**Do you have a problem with the way I dress Moony?**

Yeah he does. Ha ha. So we can go tomorrow. It's O.K. with my parents. They said we could do whatever. Hey…. I know where the fire whiskey is. Want some?

**Yay! Don't give some to Moony though. I'd hate to see him drunk.**

_Shame on you for even thinking I would drink. You're both lucky I don't report you to McGonagall._

Well how are you going to report us to McGonagall if we're not in school Moony?

_Why must you be logical? I'm the one who is supposed to be logical._

**Well it looks like he beat you to it.**

_Obviously. (Scowls)_

Mwahahahahah!!

_I'm scared. Prongs becoming logical may be more than Hogwarts can handle._

**A logical prankster. That's an oxymoron.**

Duh! You guys don't know me at all do you?

**It's like he never met you Prongs. Wait… is that a dinner call I hear?**

_Shame on you Padfoot. Is food all you ever think of? _

**Of course it is. Honestly Moony, do you know me at all?**

Yeah my parents have been cooking all day.

**YAY FOOD!!**


	2. The joke shop

O

O.K. here it is… Chapter 2.

Pretty much in this chapter the Marauders go to a Muggle joke shop and find all these awesome pranks. Read and enjoy and then hit the review button.

Disclaimer: I unfortunately was not brilliant enough to create Harry Potter or any other characters. That genius idea belongs solely to J.K. Rowling.

Armageddon at Hogwarts Chapter 2

James **Sirius** _Remus_

**Uh guys, the Leaky Cauldron is back there.**

I know that… Let's go

**Now where are we going?**

Leaky Cauldron

**Ooo, shiny Muggle shop.**

Padfoot that is a dumpster

**Not that one.**

Oh that. Let's check it out.

**Fun. What do you think Moony?**

_I think I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this._

**Lighten up Moony. It'll be fun.**

_You always say that. Usually right before something bad happens._

**That's not true… there was that one time… oh wait… no… but wait… there was that time… no… something happened then too… well nothing bad is going to happen this time.**

_That's very reassuring Pads._

**I know. Wait… were you being sarcastic?**

_No, not at ALL Padfoot. Not at all._

**Oh ok. **

Don't listen to him Pads. He's just being Mr. NoFun again. Moony the only thing that will happen is that Pads and I will get into trouble because you'll chicken out again.

_I was being sarcastic Padfoot. And no, I won't chicken out because you'll threaten me if I even think about it._

That's probably true.

**But that's what friends are for.**

_whispers Guys, don't just stand there with your mouths open. It's just a Muggle shop. You act like you've never seen Muggles before._

**I know. But I'll never understand how they survive without magic.**

I know, it's so weird. spaces OK, lets find what we need.

**What **_**do **_**we need?**

Everything goes crazy with power

**What the heck is this? holds up small balloon like object**

What does the label say? reads to self Whoopee cushion? What's that?

**Let's see what it does. blows up whoopee cushion Are we supposed to pop it or… **

I think so. Moony, do the honors.

_No you pop it. I'm not going to pop it!_

Don't be such a wimp. Just pop it already. It's just full of air. How much damage could air do?

_I'm definitely going to regret this. pops it… farting noise is omitted. Everyone in the shop looks. Moony turns bright red. Throws whoopee cushion at Prongs. How much damage could air do. Yeah right. YOU get to try out the next thing Prongs._

**That was awesome… if we put it under someone's chair… it would sound like they.. ha ha.**

_Glad you finally caught on Pads. I was getting worried._

**Shut up Wolfie. **

**We should use this on McGonagall.**

No wait, we should use it on Dumbledore. I mean McGonagall is so… predictable. Hey what's this? "Snake in a can?"

_Snake in a can. I'm guessing it's a snake… in a can. I agree with Padfoot however. We should use the balloon on McGonagall. The look on her face would be priceless. _

**Wow… Moony encouraging us to prank a teacher. The Armageddon must have come at last. But anyways, open the "snake in a can" Prongs.**

Ok…. screams like a little girl That wasn't scary.

**in between gasps of laughter you… scream… like… a… girl…**

I did not. OK Padfoot, it's your turn to try one.

_If only Snape could have seen that._

**OK… What does this thing do?**

_It's called a flashlight Padfoot. It's like lumos. You push this button and a beam of light appears. I'm not really sure why its over here. But just push that button._

**OK… pushes switch OOOOWWWW!! It shocked me.**

burst out laughing That was hilarious.

**Why do you laugh at my pain? sulks**

Because you laughed at my pain.

**You're mean. Moony your turn.**

Hey, there's a back room. Let's check it out.

**Sounds good.**

Whoa, look at all this stuff.

_Oh boy. worried look_

**What's this? holds up silly string**

_I'm not sure. looks at can My guess is that you push the top and whatever is in the can comes out. Don't point it at me!_

Wait let me see. reads can Silly string? Well that's a stupid name. So Moony, I just push the top. pushes top and string flies out at Moony Oops, sorry Moony. bursts out laughing

**falls to the ground with laughter We're…definitely…getting…that…that…was… awesome.**

Oh yeah. struggles to regain breath

_spits out silly string That's gross. I'm going to kill you Prongs I swear. You just wait. walks away while pulling silly string out of hair Hey guys, check this out. holds up dusty old book._

**Only you Moony. We're in a shop of pranks, and you have to ruin it by finding a book.**

_But don't you guys realize what this is?_

**No Moony I don't. Unlike you I cannot memorize a book's content by looking at the front cover.**

_Not even going to comment on that Padfoot. For your information, this is a book about pranks. Look at the title. "The Official Prankster's Handbook. What to do and how to do it… without getting caught. All you'll ever need to know to be a first class prankster"_

Give me that. rips book out of Moony's hands. Look at the last chapter. "The Ultimate Prank"

**What does it say?**

Well it says that the ultimate prank is to put a bucket over a door, and when someone opens the door the water in the bucket will splash all over. Sweet. says highly

**Did you just squeak?**

_See? I've said time and time again that books are a good thing. I rest my case._

No Moony, you never had a case.

**Books are still useless… especially if you know it all like Prongs and I.**

_Not going to comment. Can we go now? _

Yeah, I'm good for now. We just have to remember where the store is so we can come back with Muggle money.

**Which is where you come in Moony.**

_Can't you two do anything on your own? Honestly, for how much you make fun of me, you'd get nowhere without me._

We could get along without you. Who do you think does all the pranking?

_Yeah, but who is the brains of everything? Certainly not Padfoot. No offense Pads._

**Hey! I resent that**

So there's chapter 2. Please, please, please review. We love getting comments. And if you have any pranks you want us to put in our story let us know.


	3. The first prank

Chapter 3… sorry it's been so long… we've been really busy… well… kind of… anyways… first prank is a go.

Disclaimer: we're not cool enough to have written Harry Potter.

**Potions class**

J: ok… I've got the stuff in my trunk… tonight we rock.

R: I sure hope you know what you're doing.

S: Don't be such a wimp Moony. So who's the target?

J: Snivelly first.

S: You're right. So what should we do? We could use the whoopee cushion on his seat. But that'd be kind of hard to pull off right now… which prank… which prank.

J: Let's consult the book. _Pulls out the book they found in the shop. _Umm… hair removing cream in his shampoo…

S: That's not a prank… we'd be doing him a favor.

J: Very true…umm…sugar in the salt shakers?

S: Sounds good… simple enough… don't want to use our good material too soon.

R: Alright fine… it is Snivellus after all.

J: Hell yeah.

S: We could do all the Slytherins. Moony… would you like to do the honors?

J: Yeah Moony… you should do the first one.

S: And it's simple… so even your low prankster abilities should be able to pull it off.

J: Yeah… now the Seran Wrap… you should leave that to us.

S: You could never pull it off.

J: You would wrap yourself in it.

S: I would n-… Oh… you meant him.

J: You probably would too.

S: Shut up.

R: You probably would wrap yourself in it Padfoot. Alright… I'll do the prank at dinner tonight. Just make sure you two don't forget it.

S: We won't… that way when McGonagall yells at us… we can honestly say that you did it.

R: Git… she'll never believe you.

S: I guess we'll have to let her catch you then.

R: No. I don't want to get detention for one of your pranks.

S: You already said you'd do it. It's in writing and everything.

R:… Damn.

**Early the next morning…**

S: Now's your chance Moony. Get in there and make us proud.

R: O.K. fine. Do you want me to switch all of them… or just the Slytherin's… or just ours… what's the plan?

S: Umm… do all of them.

J: Don't forget the teachers.

R: Fine. There's nobody in there now right?

J: Yeah. Now hurry before the teachers show up.

R: Okay okay… I'm going. I can't believe I'm doing this. _Runs off._

J: He runs like a girl.

S: Well what did you expect?

J: Good point.

S: So I'm thinking we should wait a few minutes before going in. That way we won't look too suspicious.

J: We would look suspicious anyways.

S: That's true… It's really not fair. Just because we're always behind everything doesn't mean they always have to suspect us.

J: Well seeing that we are always behind it… they really have no choice.

S: It'd just be nice if they suspect someone else once in awhile. Maybe I'll mention that to McGonagall… it could be her birthday present to me.

J: Sirius… you have a summer birthday.

S: Well… early Christmas present then.

R:_ comes running back, panting_ Okay, it's done. The teachers starting coming in just as I was finishing up. I was almost – hey!

S: _feigns innocence_ What?

R: I do not run like a girl!

S: Oh, that… well, you know Moony, it's nothing to be ashamed about…

J: Yeah… lots of guys run like girls

S: Yeah… Snivelly, for example.

R: I hate you.

S: You can't hate me! I'm too lovable!

J: I'm just too cool to be hated by anyone

R: You mean besides Evans.

J: Shut up! Remember Marauder Code Number 65… you never use Evans to insult me.

S: I never agreed to that!

J: You signed the code!

S: Well who reads the fine print?

R: If I remember correctly… it was in big, bold print.

S:…Go to hell.

J: I'd rather not… how about we go to breakfast instead.

**At breakfast…**

_Sirius pours "salt" on his eggs_

J: Um… he does know we switched those, right? Is he doing that on purpose?

R: I'm not sure… it's hard to tell with Padfoot.

J: Should we remind him?

R: …Nah. It's a learning experience. We'll let him find out for himself.

S: _takes a bite of his eggs_ Ew, these are disgusting! What's up with the house elves today?

J: Um… Padfoot?

S: What… oh.

R: Yeah.

S: …Don't say anything.

J: Not picking on you for getting fooled by your own prank… that's not in the Code.

S: What? …well I'm adding it!

J: I'm not signing it!

R: Me neither. This is just too funny.

J: Now that Padfoot is up to speed with the plan… we should probably be watching everyone else.

S: Look! Snivellus is having pancakes!

R: Is he putting sugar on them?

J: Yup… freak.

S: Hey, I put sugar on my pancakes!

R: You put sugar on everything.

S: … that's beside the point.

J: Hey, he's taking a bite! Watch him!

R: … any idea why we're writing this all down instead of talking to each other?

S: Nope.

R: Yet we continue to do so.

S: Yup.

J: That's how we roll.

S: Oh, look at Snivelly's face! It's even uglier than before!

J: I didn't know that was possible.

S: Neither did I. Oh look…he's examining the sugar now. Is there a way to switch it back?

J: That'd be funny as hell.

R: Not unless we resorted back to the old ways.

S: Old ways?

J: Magic dumbass.

S: I hate you.

J: Look… he's giving it to your cousin.

S: Yes… put lots on you evil-

R: Now now Padfoot… she is your cousin.

S: Don't remind me.

J: So who's expression was better?

S: I'll tell you after I see Slughorn's face.

R: What? Slughorn is doing it too.

J: Could that man use any more salt?

S: Why doesn't he just unscrew the top?

J: Look… he's going to eat it.

S: O.K. he definitely had the best expression.

J: Damn… McGonagall is looking our way. Act innocent.

S: We are innocent… Moony did it.

R: I hate you.


	4. Teaching the Prefect's a lesson

Chapter 4

Time for another prank idea.

Disclaimer: The Marauders and all other characters came from the awesome mind of J.K. Rowling. And sadly, none of us are her.

S: I can't believe we got detention.

J: I know. Even after we told her it was Moony.

S: McGonagall's prejudice really isn't fair.

J: She can't hold the past against us.

S: She needs to move on. Forgive and forget.

J: I wouldn't be so offended if she had punished him at all.

S: She didn't even yell at him. Let alone give him detention.

J: No detention for precious prefect Moony.

S: That would look awful after she selected him for the job.

J: Actually Dumbledore did that.

S: That is beside the point Prongs.

J: Sorry.

S: Someone needs to teach those prefects a lesson.

J: They think they know everyth… Wait! That's a brilliant idea.

S: What is?

J: About teaching the prefects a lesson.

S: But they know everything. How are we supposed to teach them anything?

J: You know that's just a figure of speech right.

S: Oh… I mean, yeah of course I knew that. So how are we teaching them this lesson?

J: How do we teach anyone a lesson?

S: Are you suggesting a prank my dear friend?

J: Of course.

S: Brilliant. But how do we target only the prefects? We'd hate to have innocent bystanders get hurt.

J: That is not the Marauder way. Remember?

S: Oh yeah. The more people…

J: The better. But I think our targets should only be the prefects.

S: Anyone else who gets involved is just a bonus.

J: Agreed.

S: But how do we do it?

J: Prefects bathroom.

S: Perfect. We could summon the giant squid from the lake and put it in the bathtub. Or we could put stink pellets in all of their robes. Or we could…

J: Those are so typical of us Sirius. Besides we already did the giant squid thing.

S: Oh yeah. That was definitely the highlight of first year.

J: Good times. Good times. But that's enough reminiscing.

S: If you don't like any of those ideas, then what's the plan?

J: I think we should use the Muggle way.

S: Of course. But which prank should we use?

J: Shall we consult the book?

S: We shall my partner in crime.

J: Keep an eye on McGonagall.

S: Why?

J: To make sure we don't get caught dumb ass.

S: I was lookout last time. Let me see the book.

J: No. You don't even know what to look for.

S: Neither do you. Give me the book.

J: No.

S: Yes.

J: No.

S: Yes.

J: Let go Padfoot.

S: Why are we writing this all down?

J: Doesn't matter. Just give me the book.

**McGonagall: **(speaking) **What is going on over here?**

**S: James won't let me read the book.**

**J: That's because I'm looking at it. **

**McGonagall: You two are fighting over… a book?**

S: What happened to her?

J: I think she fainted.

S: I think we took her by surprise.

J: Yeah. Can you believe we were fighting over a book?

S: We've been spending too much time with Moony.

J: So what's the detention rule on if your teacher passes out?

S: Don't know. It's the first time it's happened to us.

J: No. It's the first time that we didn't use magic to make them pass out.

S: True. Well I think its wait 5 minutes and if they don't revive, then we ditch.

J: Has it been 5 minutes yet?

S: Probably about 2.

J: Close enough. Let's go.

_A few minutes later._

J: Alright so the book has a couple bathroom prank ideas. There's blocking all the toilets, taking melted chocolate and spreading it all over the walls to make it look someone crapped all over, or covering all the toilets with saran wrap.

S: What's saran wrap?

J: Some sort of Muggle contraption.

S: That does what?

J: Well judging from the well drawn picture at the bottom of the page…

S: That is a very good picture. Who's the illustrator of this book?

J: Well it looks like it's… wait it second… it doesn't matter.

S: OW! Why did you hit me?

J: 'Cause you're not focusing on the task at hand.

S: So you hit me? That hurts my feelings. *sulks*

J: Focus!

S: Fine!

J: Saran Wrap is this clear plastic stuff.

S: What the heck could Muggles use that for?

J: For covering toilet seats apparently.

S: I'll never understand Muggles. Why would anyone want to cover a toilet seat with plastic stuff?

J: Because when someone tries to use the toilet, it wouldn't go in. It would just go everywhere.

S: That's disgusting. So when do we attack?

J: Well the prefects normally hang out in the bathroom until midnight on a Friday night.

S: Just to show that they can stay out later than us normal people and not get into trouble.

J: Gits. Besides who hangs out in a bathroom?

S: Gits. So we should do it after they've gone to bed.

J: Do you know how late that would be? I've got Quidditch practice in the morning.

S: Prongs what is more important, your reputation as a great Quidditch player or giving the prefects what they deserve?

J: I'm gonna have to have to say Quidditch. Being a great Quidditch player is part of my plan to impress Evans.

S: It's never going to work.

J: You wait. I'll win her over yet.

S: So are you helping me or not?

J: Not. You can cover this one on your own.

S: Can you at least get me the Saran Wrap?

J: Oh yeah. I'll just go into my trunk and pull out my supply of Saran Wrap.

S: Why do you have… wait are you being sarcastic? OW!

J: Moron. Just transfigure something into Saran Wrap.

S: Stop hitting me!

J: No.

S: OW! You'll pay for that.

J: OW! You can't hit me.

S: Watch me.

J: OW! Knock it off.

S: OW!

J: OW! Oh crap. Lily saw that.

**Lily: What are you two doing?**

**J: Nothing Evans. So what are you doing out so late?**

**Lily: I am a prefect Potter. I'm going to hang out with the other prefects in our bathroom. And what are you doing out so late? I should give you detention.**

**J: Sorry Evans. Sirius and I are actually on our way back from detention. **

**S: There's nothing you can do to us now. So ha ha.**

**J: Shut up Sirius! So what are you doing tomorrow Evans? Want to come watch me at Quidditch practice?**

**Lily: I'd rather go swimming with the giant squid. **

**S: What is it with you in the giant squid? **

**Lily: Shut up Sirius!**

**S: You guys are both so mean to me. I'm going to bed. **

**J: Good. So Evans…**

**Lily: Good bye Potter.**

S: That totally failed dude.

J: I thought you were going to bed.

S: Yeah. But it's more fun to watch Evans turn you down. Besides I'm pranking the prefect's bathroom in a few hours. I can't go to bed now.

J: Right. Well have fun pranking the… Shit! Lily is a prefect.

S: So you want in?

J: No. You can't prank the prefect's bathroom. She could involved in it.

S: Yeah I know mate. But the prefect's need to be taught a lesson.

J: So you're going to do it. No matter what I say.

S: Right now you're not saying anything. You're writing it.

J: Shut up! Are you going to do the prank?

S: Of course I am. It's bloody brilliant.

J: It is isn't it. I mean for a Muggle idea… no. You can't do this. She'll know that I'm behind it and she'll never fall in love with me.

S: She'll never fall in love with you anyways.

J: Shut up! She will. Eventually.

S: Well I'm doing the prank. Just keep her out of the bathroom if it's so important to you.

J: How?

S: Figure it out.


End file.
